When I reflect on my dating years, I remember that I had some pretty strict rules about who I was willing to date. I did not want to date someone who used drugs, smoked, was unemployed, or did not have reliable transportation. These were all personal preferences I held. However, there are times when you meet someone you are infatuated with, and you think they are the greatest thing ever, causing you to overlook your own rules. Eventually, you end up in a relationship with someone you had sworn never to date. Personally, I can tell you that divorcing after 18 months was much more expensive and far more challenging than simply avoiding that first date.
A similar thing often happens when we are hiring employees. We have specific criteria in mind, such as a certain level of education, experience, or even more subtle factors like facial tattoos, body odor, reliable transportation, or whether they are a family member or relative of another employee. Sometimes, we break our own rules because we believe we can work around these issues or that the candidate is the best option at the moment.
I was reminded of an old colleague who once advised me, “Never hire a family member.” Well, what if your family member is an excellent employee? They might indeed be great, but it can be incredibly challenging to terminate their employment if needed, as my colleague learned when they hired their aunt, who wasn’t the best employee. They had to make many accommodations because they could not bring themselves to fire Aunt Jane and ended up losing other employees who did not want to work with Aunt Jane either.
It’s often the little things that bother us and challenge our rule platform. For example, a relationship with a smoker is not something that is likely to change easily. While they might quit, there is also a chance they might not, or they could start again. You need to consider why you had the rule in the first place and whether you are making a decision based on immediate needs and desires rather than long-term compatibility.
Those little things you think you can handle often end up nagging and upsetting you, leading to arguments and making you remember all the reasons why you had those rules in the first place. Extricating yourself from such a situation can be much more challenging than avoiding it from the beginning.
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